Shiva, the destroyer. Shiva, the Jewish tradition of a period of mourning after a death (or a great loss, if no body is recovered). Shiva, the great teacher.

I feel like I should sit shiva tonight, because my true love is gone. I hope not gone forever, but he is gone. He has never run away from me as he did today. And I am left bereft, an agunah, married to a ghost while he drowns in a vortex of self-loathing.


broken heart

Back to being broken…

Cytherean Dreams

My heart has never
been this broken, as I heave
my insides into

the open toilet mouth
each spasm echoing pain
each retching sob etched

burning retinas
pictures of you from not long
ago, when we were

happy. weren’t we?
But you left me in drunken
stupidity. You

fucking asshole, prick,
leaving me more broken than
you found me. And why?

Because you want a
fucking drink, you absolute
shit. You. Left. Me. Get

that through your addled
skull. You. Left. Me. And I hope
wherever you are

You are happy now
playing with your demon thoughts
As I retch, broken.

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