The book

So here’s the link to my fourth book – https://www.createspace.com/4412228. The Amazon link will be up soon.

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High hopes, no matter how silly….

I just completed my fourth book of poetry. Ok, let’s let that sink in for a bit. My fourth book of poetry. How in God’s name did I end up having that sentence be true in my life? It makes me laugh with it’s pomposity and audacity. They’re all self-published, because I don’t want to go through the process of having someone professionally reject my work. Criticism of my feelings put into words is just hard to take, and since I don’t really have any kind of editorial process (it is what it is, usually), what could I do to change it if someone didn’t like it? Not much…it has to feel right to me, and that’s the bottom line.

So, if all that’s true, then why am I taking this risk and going for a contest that I have no hopes of winning? None whatsoever. But the thought of entering just sends me into giggles every time. I tell someone about the contest and I can’t help but laugh, at its pomposity, at my own audacity. It’s a poetry contest for mid-career poets, which evidently, with my fourth book, is me. I’m mid-career. Wow. Ok, letting that sink in for a minute. Moving on. It’s hosted by one of the top graduate schools in the country, which requires that if you win, you have to travel on your own expense to their campus to be their poet laureate. Ok, it helps that it’s within driving distance of my house, sure, no problem there.

And the first prize, the only prize actually, is $100,000. A ridiculously high amount of money, insanely high. Where else can you possibly win that for writing poetry? So I’m sure that every actual professional poet in the country (all those English professors and actually published people out there) send in their work every year, and it much be incredibly competitive. So I have no shot at all.

But I’m taking it anyways. Fourth book is done, I’m waiting for the proofs to arrive in the mail now. Screw the proofs – let’s just approve this sucker, publish it, submit it, and get going with this thing. I’m in it to win it…feeling like the ant climbing up the rubber tree plant, but I’ve still got my high hopes!

 

And now it really gets complicated…

So this relationship thing has been, is definitely, wonderful. Just wonderful. No stumbling blocks yet, really. Sure, there’s been a bit of ex’s drama, and sure, there’s been some angst as we’re meeting our respective families and friends, but nothing major. But. That’s because I’ve been pretending to be just like every other single girl out there for two and a half weeks. I’ve been on a mini-vacation, of sorts. Because my two daughters, the two people that define me and define my daily life, have been off visiting their grandparents in Texas. And they come back today.

So now, I go back to being a single mom. Kind of. I’m a single mom with a boyfriend now, which I’ve never been before. And it’s time for them to meet him, an experience that they’ve never really had before. And I keep hearing horror stories from people, about how their kids hated their boyfriends or girlfriends and wanted their mommies or daddies all to themselves and so tried their best to be horrible people to run them off. Think “Parent Trap” – that’s every kid’s fantasy. If I can only just run off the new person and get my mommy and daddy together in a room or on a horseback ride or something, they’ll fall in love all over again and it’ll all be happily ever after!

Well, kiddies, you know that me and your daddy aren’t getting back together. And you’ve been saying for years that you want me to have a boyfriend and be happy…so, I’ll find out soon how all of this might go. Will they be their normal selves, which is draining enough for most people to deal with? Or will they be horrible, trying to get my boyfriend to run for the hills?

Or…in my wildest dreams, I hope for this…will they be happier and better off, knowing that their mommy is happier? Better able to deal with life as it comes, after seeing what a good relationship looks like? Please, universe, can we make that happen? That might just be too much to wish for. But I’m going to give it my best, and just hope for the best.