I thought I was whole, I really did. I thought I could conquer the world, find the perfect man to share it with, and live happily ever after. But I’m finding out now, I’m broken.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my world. I love the area I live in, I love my family, I love the work I do, and I love the communities which support and sustain me (friends and spirituality and joy, in one package). I love the learning, and growing, and being grateful for my blessings. But.
But I’m so overworked, I can’t see straight. And I can’t afford the area I live in, but hate the ones that I can afford on my own. I’ve driven away a man who loves me, for both our sakes – when we’re together, we just become worse people. I haven’t found another that I can live with, or who wants to live with me. So many transitions are happening by June 30th, it’s making me dizzy.
Which is where this new blog comes in. To track this time. To keep myself sane and give me an outlet while I go through this, recovering still from the heart traumas of the last year. And to talk to you, whoever you are, because I’m sick of journaling, of talking just to myself.
I also have a poetry blog – www.cythereandreams.wordpress.com – if you want to check that out. I’m sure I’ll still write there, too. But poetry is a monologue with contained walls in it’s own right, and I’m ready to actually start talking.